THE ÜMABOMBER

Making awesome happen one bike ride at a time.

Writings on Riding from the Umabomber

Bike Thieves Suck

Posted by on 9:28 am in cycling, Essay, Feature, mountain biking, products, umabomber | 0 comments

Bike Thieves Suck

Friends laugh when I say I need to ride or I’m “not right in the head”, but I realized some time ago, riding isn’t an addiction. And it’s no longer about sublimation of darker energies. It’s just necessary. Like water. Food. Shelter. Oxygen. Love. If I could re-do Maslow’s basic human needs chart, I’d be sure to put a bike at the base of the pyramid. And at the apex. And at every level in between the two.

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From Epic Fail to Rad Trail Rail

Posted by on 9:02 am in cycling, Essay, gear, mountain biking, products, Review, umabomber | 0 comments

Every mountain biker does it at one point or another. We forget something critical to our highly anticipated epic MTB ride and don’t discover our error until we arrive at the trailhead—often after a long drive—open the trunk and feel our heart sinks with the realization…we forgot X. No ride for you. Do not pass go. Do not shred. This time, it was my turn. As I rolled into the parking lot at Sandy Ridge, the sun was shining, the sky a dreamy, cloudless blue. Birds chirped overhead. Spring was springing. I grinned in anticipation,...

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Sea Otter 2014 Review: Seat Odder?

Posted by on 12:49 pm in cycling, Essay, mountain biking, Review, singlespeeding | 0 comments

Last week I attended the cycling industry season kick off known as the Sea Otter Classic, and am at this very moment penning a riveting accounting of that event. I can absolutely guarantee 100% said report will not utilize the word “epic” except to describe the sunburn I received on my sub-suprasternal notch area also known as my chestal region. I cannot guarantee the phrase Sea Otter won’t be replaced with “Seat Odder”, which is how my voice-to-text memo on my so-called smart phone translates.

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14WKEND: Make Awesome Happen

Posted by on 8:28 pm in cycling, Essay, mountain biking, umabomber | 2 comments

14WKEND: Make Awesome Happen

After a long week of bad news on top of bad news, a long weekend of good news in the form of bikes rides and beer is in order. To kick off my weekend mission of awesome-making, I stopped by Portlandia’s sweetest wheel builder for a little bike industry career counseling sugar. Jude’s off to Japan for a few weeks in celebration of her long-overdue honeymoon, but when she gets back we’re going for an (also overdue) bike ride to talk shop. Thanks, Jude and should you find your hovercraft inundated with eels, remember this...

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Bucket List Bike Ride: The Megavalanche

Posted by on 12:17 pm in cycling, Essay, Feature, mountain biking, umabomber | 1 comment

Bucket List Bike Ride: The Megavalanche

Megavalanche has been on my bucket list since I first started getting into mountain biking. It’s a brutally demanding marathon downhill style mountain bike race across technical terrain through the French Alps, including a section that rolls through the infamous Alpe d’Huez. And while there are plenty of North American rides I have yet to cross off, take a look at the particulars for this mostly-downhill ride and you’ll see why Megavalanche is at the top of my wish list.

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N+1 Bikes = Zombie Apocalypse Survival

Posted by on 10:05 am in cycling, Essay, gear, mountain biking, singlespeeding, umabomber | 0 comments

N+1. It’s a pithy formula which jokingly points out how many bikes one should have. Non-cyclists won’t understand the need for having a bike quiver. I know quite a number of people who collect bikes not just to satisfy some personal fetish, but to preserve the rich history of cycling. Most of the people I know who love riding have multiple bikes for a different reason: N+1 = the right tool for the job. Minimalists will argue that no one needs more than one bike. That may be true if your entire relationship to cycling is just to...

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When Life Hands You Lemons, Add Bourbon and Make a Hot Toddy

Posted by on 10:21 am in BikeYoga, cycling, Essay, mountain biking, products, singlespeeding, umabomber | 1 comment

When Life Hands You Lemons, Add Bourbon and Make a Hot Toddy

The not-so-secret part of my Super Top Secret Kickass Bike Ninja program involves training with bourbon, not to be confused with training DURING bourbon, or training AFTER bourbon. I’m referring to enlisting the healing properties of a hot toddy while recovering from illness. More than just a sensationalized sedative, a well-executed toddy is fine folk medicine. 

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Snow Ride: Fat Bike Not Required

Posted by on 7:38 pm in Essay, Feature, mountain biking, singlespeeding, umabomber | 3 comments

Snow Ride: Fat Bike Not Required

Snow days. You either love ‘em or… Or you’re an idiot. I mean, come on. Who doesn’t feel like a kid again when a blizzard hits in an otherwise not snowy region? Sure, it’s a pain in the ass, and it hurts the local economy as people stay in rather than braving treacherous travel conditions to get to work, but if you can loosen up your grown up pants enough to go play, it’s hella good fun!

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Haters Gonna Hate. Riders Gonna Ride.

Posted by on 5:56 pm in cycling, mountain biking, singlespeeding, umabomber | 0 comments

Haters Gonna Hate. Riders Gonna Ride.

Maybe it was finally being healthy enough to ride. Or maybe, just maybe it was all that hard work I did last fall, working on my technical skills. Or maybe I absorbed ninja superpowers subconsciously while watching all those the Kung Fu movies while I was laid up, feeling evil due to lack of inactivity…

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Beer, Bacon, Bourbon and God

Posted by on 12:26 pm in cycling, mountain biking, singlespeeding, umabomber | 0 comments

Beer, Bacon, Bourbon and God

If God lives inside me (like some people say) I hope he likes beer. And bacon. And bourbon. Of course, it’s possible what I consider a fondness for beer, may in fact be a case of God pulling my strings. That’s it! God makes me crave delicious dry hop Northwest IPAs and craft bourbons! Or maybe Hopworks spikes their beer with crack and God is really a crackhead. Either way…I WIN!

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